Home Run Derby

Now you might think that I’m saying that Roger Clemens is a chicken.

Why would you think that? Because he’s going to start his first 2007 game versus the Sox (the White ones) who are currently a game under .500 and not the other Sox (the Red ones) who have the best record in baseball … and some unfinished history with the Rocket?

Okay … so I am calling him a chicken … and here’s a clip which shows Roger Clemens’ history with chicken …

Who the heck knew Roger Clemens had a Chicken restuarant in the 90’s?

And don’t forget … in another case of “The Simpsons Did it Already” … Roger Clemens was hypnotized into thinking he was a chicken the night before that big rivalry softball game. And he couldn’t pitch.

I’m told this thing is supposed to be a “Celebriduck,” but it looks more like a Celebricluck to me.

CHICKEN

Back on May 9, the Milwaukee Brewers were the hottest thing in baseball. 

They had a wicked 24-10 Win-Loss record (.706), a six game win streak, and their biggest division lead ever. 

They had lost only one of twelve series and were staking their claim to run away and hide with the otherwise piss-poor National League Central. 

The world was their urinal. 

And not just because Miller Park’s toilets were emptying into a nearby river back in March. 

A new Brewer fansite was unveiled, Pee Your Pants for the Brewers, which was gearing up long-suffering Brewer fans to pledge to empty their bladders the day (perhaps even the exact moment) the Brewers punched their ticket to the 2007 playoffs.  It’s been 24 long seasons since the Brewers were in the 1982 World Series.

Well since then … the Brewers have shat the bed.  Let’s take a look at the numbers.

Nothing’s been quite the same since that website came out … I don’t really want to blame the Potential Pants Peers for this, but why not?  Is it coincidence that the Brewers have gone 5 and 14 and lost six consecutive series since PYPFTB had its coming out party (via Deadspin) on May 9? 

Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it?

Maybe the Brewers are afraid of what could happen if they clinch at home, which could send 40,000 fully beer-bladdered fans to simultaneously relieve themselves in the stands … It would make Miller Park smell like Wrigley Field after a double header in late August. 

Sure, sure … the fact that the Brewers haven’t played any of their NL Central bitches lately (last game: May 6 vs PIT) probably has something to do with it.  The Brew Crew is 17-9 vs their own crappy divison and only 12-15 outside of it.  And that includes three wins against the craptastic Washington Nationals. 

Fortunately for the Brewers, the rest of the NL Central seems to only be able to win games when playing other teams within the division.  So the Brew Crew still has a 5.5 game lead, which could be an insurmountable cushion in their crappy division.  Even with over two-thirds of the season left to play.

But if and when they make the playoffs, it might be a short trip … the rest of the NL seems to have their number.

Kali Speta, my Homer Derby brothers (and a couple sisters)!! 

Time for the weekly dinging on all subjects baseball, derby, and anything else on my mind.  I’m doing a little late night blogging.  Too bad I still don’t live downtown, because a 2 AM run to Lincoln Park Gyros would be a fitting way to end this evening.  Oh well, I guess the picture will have to suffice.

Ding: As a White Sox fan, I have to say, I am really tired of Ozzie putting Rob Mackowiak and his .297 slugging percentage in the line up everyday.  Yes, he hit his 2nd dinger of the season on Wednesday.  Doesn’t matter, he still sucks.

Ding: Now to sound like a whiny White Sox Fan, Minnesota has to lead the league in crappy hits.  Broken bat single here, seeing eye grounder there, and they always seem to happen at home.  I will not miss the old roller dome when it is finally retired from the baseball rotation in a couple years.  My only fond memory of that place is Ditka on Rollerskates.

Ding: Speaking of Da Coach.  Seems like a good time to share my favorite picture of him.

Ding: Barry Bonds hit a homerun.  Whoopie-Doo.

Ding:  National Bingo night has now taken the title of World’s stupidest game show.  I find it amazing that no one has mentioned the show tacit racism (or xenophobia may be the better term) with the pakistani guy that shouts “No Bingo”!

Ding: Many thanks to Fred Couples for skipping this weeks Memorial Tournament.  Jackass.

Ding:  I have a good idea for Derek Jeter’s next girl friend. How about Miss Tampa Bay Devil Ray, Jenn Sterger.  Richie, couldn’t you find us a link that might be a little NSFW.  But that brings me to today’s featured Jeter girlfriend, the dream lover herself, Mariah Carey.  I was tempted to use picures of porn-star Mary Carey because it would be better content, but alas, she hasn’t dated Derek Jeter…At least not yet.

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