Home Run Derby

Now you might think that I’m saying that Roger Clemens is a chicken.

Why would you think that? Because he’s going to start his first 2007 game versus the Sox (the White ones) who are currently a game under .500 and not the other Sox (the Red ones) who have the best record in baseball … and some unfinished history with the Rocket?

Okay … so I am calling him a chicken … and here’s a clip which shows Roger Clemens’ history with chicken …

Who the heck knew Roger Clemens had a Chicken restuarant in the 90’s?

And don’t forget … in another case of “The Simpsons Did it Already” … Roger Clemens was hypnotized into thinking he was a chicken the night before that big rivalry softball game. And he couldn’t pitch.

I’m told this thing is supposed to be a “Celebriduck,” but it looks more like a Celebricluck to me.

CHICKEN

Back on May 9, the Milwaukee Brewers were the hottest thing in baseball. 

They had a wicked 24-10 Win-Loss record (.706), a six game win streak, and their biggest division lead ever. 

They had lost only one of twelve series and were staking their claim to run away and hide with the otherwise piss-poor National League Central. 

The world was their urinal. 

And not just because Miller Park’s toilets were emptying into a nearby river back in March. 

A new Brewer fansite was unveiled, Pee Your Pants for the Brewers, which was gearing up long-suffering Brewer fans to pledge to empty their bladders the day (perhaps even the exact moment) the Brewers punched their ticket to the 2007 playoffs.  It’s been 24 long seasons since the Brewers were in the 1982 World Series.

Well since then … the Brewers have shat the bed.  Let’s take a look at the numbers.

Nothing’s been quite the same since that website came out … I don’t really want to blame the Potential Pants Peers for this, but why not?  Is it coincidence that the Brewers have gone 5 and 14 and lost six consecutive series since PYPFTB had its coming out party (via Deadspin) on May 9? 

Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it?

Maybe the Brewers are afraid of what could happen if they clinch at home, which could send 40,000 fully beer-bladdered fans to simultaneously relieve themselves in the stands … It would make Miller Park smell like Wrigley Field after a double header in late August. 

Sure, sure … the fact that the Brewers haven’t played any of their NL Central bitches lately (last game: May 6 vs PIT) probably has something to do with it.  The Brew Crew is 17-9 vs their own crappy divison and only 12-15 outside of it.  And that includes three wins against the craptastic Washington Nationals. 

Fortunately for the Brewers, the rest of the NL Central seems to only be able to win games when playing other teams within the division.  So the Brew Crew still has a 5.5 game lead, which could be an insurmountable cushion in their crappy division.  Even with over two-thirds of the season left to play.

But if and when they make the playoffs, it might be a short trip … the rest of the NL seems to have their number.

Kali Speta, my Homer Derby brothers (and a couple sisters)!! 

Time for the weekly dinging on all subjects baseball, derby, and anything else on my mind.  I’m doing a little late night blogging.  Too bad I still don’t live downtown, because a 2 AM run to Lincoln Park Gyros would be a fitting way to end this evening.  Oh well, I guess the picture will have to suffice.

Ding: As a White Sox fan, I have to say, I am really tired of Ozzie putting Rob Mackowiak and his .297 slugging percentage in the line up everyday.  Yes, he hit his 2nd dinger of the season on Wednesday.  Doesn’t matter, he still sucks.

Ding: Now to sound like a whiny White Sox Fan, Minnesota has to lead the league in crappy hits.  Broken bat single here, seeing eye grounder there, and they always seem to happen at home.  I will not miss the old roller dome when it is finally retired from the baseball rotation in a couple years.  My only fond memory of that place is Ditka on Rollerskates.

Ding: Speaking of Da Coach.  Seems like a good time to share my favorite picture of him.

Ding: Barry Bonds hit a homerun.  Whoopie-Doo.

Ding:  National Bingo night has now taken the title of World’s stupidest game show.  I find it amazing that no one has mentioned the show tacit racism (or xenophobia may be the better term) with the pakistani guy that shouts “No Bingo”!

Ding: Many thanks to Fred Couples for skipping this weeks Memorial Tournament.  Jackass.

Ding:  I have a good idea for Derek Jeter’s next girl friend. How about Miss Tampa Bay Devil Ray, Jenn Sterger.  Richie, couldn’t you find us a link that might be a little NSFW.  But that brings me to today’s featured Jeter girlfriend, the dream lover herself, Mariah Carey.  I was tempted to use picures of porn-star Mary Carey because it would be better content, but alas, she hasn’t dated Derek Jeter…At least not yet.

(more…)

So the other day my brother-in-law (the one who reads the site) tells me he found a pic of a hot Tampa Bay Devil Rays fan. 

My initial reaction … “The Devil Rays have fans?” 

They do, God love them.

My second reaction … “Let’s see that link.” 

My final reaction … “Wait a minute … that’s Jenn Sterger.”

You might remember Jenn Sterger … the Florida State coed whose rise to fame began when she and some friends were caught by an ABC camera crew during the 2005 Miami vs Florida State football game. 

She then became the “Facebook Princess” who parlayed her good looks and internet popularity into photo spreads in Maxim and Playboy and a Sports Illustrated online writing gig.

Well, as a Tampa-area native, she’s a Rays fan.  According to an interview she gave to  DRays Bay, she’s been a fan since grade school. 

I was first introduced to the Devil Rays back in grade school. I remember them coming to my school, and getting to meet the owners. Even as a kid, I thought it was really cool that they would come to my school …

And the Devil Rays are no dummies. 

They’ve had Sterger do some promotional work for them … at last August’s College Alumni Night at Tropicana Field … 

In January 2007, she was on a Devil Rays Float in the Tampa Gasparilla Piratefest Parade … 

And earlier this month, she was at a Baseball Prospectus Feed with BP honcho Will Carroll at the Trop.

Mind you, Jenn is also an Atlanta Braves fan … since the Braves were the closest team to Tampa before the Rays showed up ten years ago. 

And she likes that Jeff Francoeur guy …

… Southern girls like me are a little partial to Braves outfielder (and one of my favorites) Jeff Francoeur.

This YouTube video is a little slow (I never realized how boring this game really is) until about 20 seconds left … And then it’s awesome!

The 2007 Yankees are dead. 
Not even Roger Clemens can pull a Lazarus for this squad.

So I was having a catch with my son the other day and he tried to jump up and catch one a la Torii Hunter.  He thinks Hunter is awesome - but probably only because of his “Spider-Man” nickname.

He missed: “Dad - what kind of glove does Hunter use? I need one of those.” Already he wants an upgrade from the Derek Jeter special I got him (there weren’t any Clint Barmes models.)

“I think he uses a Rawlings. You’ve already got a Rawlings.”

“Is that the best glove? Do they make more catches?”

I was about to say something poignant about great skills being more the player and not the leather … but I said, “Yep. That glove will help you catch anything.”

That got me to thinking. What are the fielding percentages by glove this season in MLB?  Then I got beaned since I wasn’t paying attention.

When I came to … I remembered that baseballgloves.com had a list of players and their  gloves.  It’s not a complete list and there were some glitches (Sosa and Dunn were listed twice and there were a bunch of retired players) but after auditing the list and adding some players, I came up with a sample list of 199 players.  And then I mined ESPN for some fielding stats.  One pivot table later …

I’m not surprised to see that Rawlings holds a 50% Market Share in the Major Leagues.  But I was surprised to see that Wilson didn’t have a higher percentage of users. 

By the way, I was right … Hunter uses a Rawlings.  And my son caught the next 6 balls thrown at him.  If you think you have a magic glove … you have a magic glove.

Stats through Monday 5/28.

Okay, so with the Holiday … we’re a little late. 

At the close of business on Sunday, Triple Crown had tied Master-Batters for the top spot.  Alas, the tie was short-lived as after the Memorial Day dust had cleared with Master-Batters (154 HR) back on top of Triple Crown (152 HR).  Sorry Phil, no picture for you.  We might be seeing the beginnning of a two-horse race as these two separate from the pack.

There’s a third-place tie (146 HR) between Hackers and The Great Hambino (I really don’t want to find a picture for Hambino if he ever claims the top spot) followed by 9 teams with a chance to jump up if their squad gets hot.

Best week was a tie between Triple Crown and Fiesta with 24 Home Runs.

Even with spotting The Komodos an extra day before the Weekly Review came out … they’re still the only squad with less than 100 Home Runs.

Stud of the Week: Justin Morneau (4 HR) - If it wasn’t for Magglio Ordonez, this guy would be the runaway candidate for AL Player of the Month.  If the Twins were higher than 4th in the AL Central, he’d be an early candidate for MVP

I don’t even have to look at the HR Standings to tell if Morneau if hitting HR or not.  All I have to do is count how many times Bob (Morneau’s BS MVP) tells me he hates Morneau in a single email.

Hot Sluggers

• Prince Fielder (3 HR) - SI didn’t jinx him.
• Nick Swisher (3 HR) - The Haircut didn’t jinx him.
• Magglio Ordonez (3 HR) - O-WEEE-O.
• Adam Dunn (3 HR) - Is very quietly hitting HR again.  The Reds still stink.
• Ken Griffey Jr. (3 HR) - Ten Homers the last 4 weeks.  The Reds still stink.
• Miguel Tejada (3 HR) - I called him out last week and he responded.

Cold Sluggers

• Jacque Jones - Even his Mom has stopped defending him
• JD Drew - Wasn’t the short RF porch in Fenway supposed to help this guy?

Random Thoughts

• Hey Look!  Ryan Howard !
• Bill Hall’s 30-HR 2006 was a fluke.
• So was Raul Ibanez’s
• Jermaine Dye is leading Group A.  But not by much.

Weekly Pic and Caption Contest (post in the comments please)

Since Roger Clemens is about to return to baseball …

Here’s The Rocket in a delightfully horrible commercial for NESN back in 1989 …

hat tip: email from Bret

Some chilly Opening Day in April you may find yourself in a box seat (and a friggin’ parka) watching your favorite baseball team take the field for the first time that season … and want a beer.

Some hot, sunny afternoon in July or August you may find yourself sitting in the outfield bleachers cheering on your hometown boys of summer (even though they were all butmathematically eliminated a month ago) … and need a beer.

Some weeknight in October you may find yourself braving the steep slant of the Upper Deck to watch your favorite team play its first game in the League Championship Series … and want a beer.

You know who will be right there for you on those days and every other game inbetween? That’s right. Your Friendly Neighborhood Beer Vendors. These guys (and gals) are there - FOR YOU.

Vendors are like Postal Workers - except they always deliver something you want .. not those pesky Credit Card Applications, Bills, or Summonses. And they come to YOU so you don’t have to get up out of your seat during the middle of an inning to buy the next round because some idiot spilled your beer.

Let’s take a look at some of these Heroes in Action …

Let’s start at Cleveland’s Jacobs Field, where a vendor is sherpa’ing some frosty cold brew to the top of what must be Mount UpperDeck. I hope this guy gets tipped well - I think Vertigo is grounds for hazard pay.

Next let’s go to Wrigley Field, where the Chicago Cubs’ Beer Vendors have the Beer Vendors Assocation and their own baseball cards and everything … Here’s a beautiful example of the double pour.

I’ve seen a triple pour executed and I heard about some guy years ago in the Dominican Republic with polydactyly who was working on a quintuple pour - okay maybe not … But think about it - El Pulpo would have made a mean Beer Vendor.

You know, you can get thirsty in the hot desert air of Spring Training … here’s an awesomely chatty vendor doing everything he can to sell beer at Tucson Electric Park during a White Sox Spring game. Bonus - you get a Jim Thome Home Run on the side.

But sometimes vendors can talk too much while trying to hawk the suds. Talking takes away from pouring. Sometimes it’s refreshing to hear a vendor just offer what he’s got and not over do it. This guy is famous for just that up in Toronto. This guy’s great.

ICE … COOOLLLD … BEEER. Anybody thirsty yet?

First Round’s on you.