Home Run Derby

Home Run Derby loves Wii Baseball … because crazy stuff just seems to happen when that game is being played.

Last Christmas, we showed you a kid breaking a glass TV cabinet while playing Wii Baseball. Back in November, we saw Minnesota Twins legend Tony Oliva schooling his ten-year old grandson in a game.

Usually, we see televisions, furniture, and hearts getting broken while playing Wii.

This time, we’re gonna watch some dumbarse break his hand.

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Earlier this year, Eddie Vedder - the lead singer of Pearl Jam and a former Chicago native – released “All the Way” – a catchy Irish Drinking Tune about the Chicago Cubs fans and how somehow, someday, the Cubs will win the World Series.

Here it is …

Pretty good. 

But as a lifelong Cub fan, I cringed a mighy shiver when I heard that song.  In my gut I knew that we could kiss the Cubs 2008 title hopes goodbye. 

And lo, combined with the Cubs’ pre-playoff cover of Sports Illustrated … the Cubs’ futility ododmeter across from Wrigley rolled over to 100.

Well, last night (11/19/08) during a break at the Smashing Pumpkins show at the Chicago Theater, lead singer and fellow Cub fan Billy Corgan waxed poetic about the Bears winning the Super Bowl in 2012, Mike Ditka coming out of retirement, and his beloved Cubs, while getting in some digs at White Sox fans – telling them to stay the F*ck out of his Cubs Fan conversations.

Then Corgan said that he might write a song about the Cubs …

God Bless Steve Goodman, but I think I can do better than ‘Go Cubs Go’

Really – I’ve been called a lot of things, arrogant is one of them.  I don’t think this is arrogance.  I think I can top ‘Go Cubs Go’

Still on the subject of Cub-themed songs … Corgan did what someone should have done a long time ago … he blamed Eddie Vedder for the Cubs’ 2008 playoff collapse. 

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So you’d think a front row seat for Game Three of the 2008 ALCS at Fenway Park would be a good seat, right?

It’d be more fun if the Red Sox weren’t down 5-0 to those cocky Rays. 

Hey look – TBS’ Craig Sager will be doing a report right in front of you while wearing one of those eye-raping suits he wears.  But that’s still cool, you’re gonna have a close-up on national TV …

… but then a Fenway Park soda vendor comes and nearly drops his big honkin tray of refreshing ice cold Coca-Cola right on your head … and then drops a bottle of Coke right in your lap.

Sheesh.  Now the guy to the left of Sager gets his WTF? face plastered on National Television.

Good thing they sell soda in bottles now. Remember when they sold lukewarm flat soda in paper cups? That guy’s lap would have been drenched.

That vendor was gonna sell that Coke no matter what.  

Are all Fenway Vendors that clumsy and self-absorbed?

Remember Sarah Spain? 

You know, the girl who tried to auction herself on eBay for a date to get free tickets to see the Chicago Bears in the 2007 Super Bowl?  And then wrote some Cub reporting stuff this spring for Babes Love Baseball and The Love of Sports?

Well, she and her chest are back again. 

This time with our friends over at Mouthpiece Sports - where she’s trying to what she can to help the Chicago Cubs break their centuries old drought …

By Fucking Steve Bartman – or so she and a reasonable facsimile claim …  (Sung to “F*cking Matt Damon by Sarah Silverman)
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Waaay back in March, Home Run Derby showed you the Famous Milwaukee racing sausages doing a little bit of skiing.  They’re so talented.  And tasty, I imagine.

Somehow we missed this event at a minor league hockey game in Rockford, IL – wherein the Sausages took their race to the ice in an intermission at a Rockford Icehogs game, way back in February 2008. 

Wow – that’s some nightmare fuel for you right there.  Especially when Benny the Bull of the Chicago Bulls tried to grab the Chorizo.  If he caught that sausage, would he have eaten him and washed it down with the walking can of Mountain Dew? 

I know I would have. Someone ask that racing hot dog if he’s ever tried to eat himself.

Looks like Chorizo won the race, but only after he checked the Italian Sausage into the boards.  Nice move there.  Was anyone shocked the Polish Sausage took a dive right after the start?

The Racing Sausages also participated in a broomball game with a bunch of other mascots during an intermission. 

We’re used to seeing MLB players get caught doing nasty things …

• Manny Ramirez picked his nose
• Mark Buehrle took a bat to a space heater
• Greg Maddux played with his balls
• Which leads to that whole crotch grabbing thing

Not to mention that whole Greg Maddux farting thing a little while back … you know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a player get caught farting.  

Until now.

Watch as the reigning American League Cy Young award winner, C.C. Sabathia, lets one rip in the Indians dugout … and then brags about it.

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If you’re a young lady at the ballgame and the camera zooms in on you … it’s usually a good thing. 

Because it generally means you’re a hottie. 

Baseball TV crews are awesome at finding smokeshows in the crowd.  Cubs TV producer Arne Harris had a job for life at WGN so long as he popped a few shots of babes at Wrigley into the monitor once in a while for Harry Caray.

But I don’t think these two ladies are going to be all that happy.  Because they got caught on television in the All-You-Can-Eat section at an Oakland A’s game.

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For years, I’ve listened to some friends of mine (who happen to be die-hard White Sox fans) tell me that “Wrigley Field should be torn down with bulldozers.”

A couple months ago, they got their wish – for a little while, anyway.  I think they were out on Sheffield Avenue with bags of popcorn (okay not really).

Ballplayers have complained about Wrigley for years … especially the outfielders who said that the field played like turf, had holes in it, or was just plain hazardous.

“There are like a lot of little holes, you know what I mean?  Sometimes when they hit a ground ball, you have to be careful.”
- Chicago Cubs LF Alfonso Soriano

“It’s rock hard, it’s as fast as turf, but it looks like there’s been a dozen cows out there grazing this week.”
- Pittsburgh Pirates LF Nate McClouth

“That outfield is dangerous … I’m surprised more people don’t get injured out there.  It’s worse than playing in a parking lot.”
- Cincinnati Reds LF Adam Dunn

Gives new meaning to that “Left Field Sucks” chant, now doesn’t it?  Who knew the RF bleacher bums were so prescient?  Is that why the Cubs’ LF Alfonso Soriano always does that little hop thing when he’s about to catch a ball?  So he doesn’t fall in a hole?

Here, you can watch Wrigley Field undergo its transformation … first into a 40,000 capacity sandlot and then into a World Class baseball field.

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It’s been over 21 years since Game Six of the 1986 World Series … you know, when the Red Sox were only one strike away from winning their first World Series in 68 years … and Bill Buckner let that lazy Mookie Wilson grounder roll through his legs to give the Mets new life and eventually the Championship.

Since then, the Red Sox have won two World Series Championships.  Bill Buckner and Mookie Wilson even co-sign photographs of the play and baseballs.  Red Sox Nation has forgiven Buckner and has expunged October 1986 from their franchise history. 

So it’s been long enough.  Home Run Derby presents … Buckner’s Revenge.

For those of you weren’t around to remember any video games before Madden and Sega Genesis … that’s the graphics from RBI Baseball (the greatest baseball video game ever) combined with the music and sound effects from Custer’s Revenge (which was a naughty game for the Atari 2600).