Home Run Derby

Uh Oh.

We could have some bad blood between the two biggest sluggers in the NL Central.  And it’s all about how you wear your uniform.

Here’s a quote from St. Louis Cardinals 1B Albert Pujols in an interview with USA Today …

“I see teams take their jerseys out when the game is over,” he says. “To me, that’s not professional. I don’t care what you do when you get off the field, but don’t do it on the field.”

“You don’t want kids to see negative things.”

Intriguingly, Pujols didn’t name any of those teams who “take their jerseys out” … or even one team … so we’ll do it for you. 

It’s the Milwaukee Brewers, a team once again vying with the Cardinals for the NL Central crown.  And there was bad blood from the Cardinals last year about the untucking practice, too.  Last fall, Cardinals TV Announcer Rick Horton said it was the most disrespectful thing he’s ever seen (that’s from memory – I don’t have a quote). 

Keeping that in mind, let’s go back to last Monday’s Home Run Derby.  In Busch Stadium, home of Albert Pujols and his St. Louis Cardinals.

Who won that contest?  Oh yeah … Prince Fielder of the aforementioned Brewers … and known shirt untucker after game-winning Home Runs.

OH-NO-HE-DIDN’T just untuck his jersey … (more…)

CC Sabathia won the American League Cy Young last month and became the heaviest AL Cy Young award winner ever … at a weight of 290 pounds.  He unseated Bartolo Colon’s then-record Cy Young scale-tipping weight (a listed 245 pounds) in 2005. 

Hold on a minute.  There’s a standing rule at Home Run Derby … if you talk about two overweight pitchers in a post …  THROWDOWN !!

Who would win in a fight between Bartolo Colon and C.C. Sabathia?

(more…)

Here at Home Run Derby, we’re not afraid to ask the really tough questions that no one else asks …

Like who would win in a Fight between El Guapo and El Pulpo?  Two cult-status relief pitchers with great Spanish nicknames and stomachs to match.

In the Red Corner – Hailing from Maraca, Venezuela, with a height of 6 feet 0 inches and a high listed weight of 250 pounds (but was NEVER even close to being that low) … The Handsome One – EL GUAPO !!

AKA – Rich Garces.  Played for the Twins, Cubs, and Marlins before acheiving cult status as a premiere set-up man for the Boston Red Sox.  He had his best season in 1999, going 5-1 with a 1.55 ERA and 33 K’s in 40 Innings.  He was a fan favorite in Boston – Fenway would shake when he ran in from the bullpen … and then the fans would help shake it.

Teammate Mike Maddux gave Garces the nickname “El Guapo” because he looked like the Villain of the same name in the movie The Three Amigos. 

Personally, I don’t see the resemblance.  But the moniker stuck for a grotesquely obese man with a cannon arm with a nickname of “The Handsome One.”  I love Baseball. 

The Red Sox had concerns about his weight and he lost a lot of it.  Unfortunately his performance plummeted along with his cholesterol.  He is currently out of the Major Leagues, but this past winter he went 3-1 with 11 saves in the Venezuelan League.  He hopes to return to the majors.

Check out that gut.  Looks to me like life has been good to El Guapo in his native Venezuela. 

In the Blue Corner – Hailing from La Romana, Dominican Republic, with a height of 6 feet 5 inches and weighing in at 235 pounds with extra fingers and toes … The Octopus – EL PULPO !!

AKA – Antonio Alfonseca.  Taken away from the Expos in the 1993 Expansion Draft, he played for five seasons for the Marlins before a whirlwind six-year journey of stints with the Cubs, Braves, Marlins, Rangers, and the Phillies.  Best season was with the Marlins in 2000 when he won Rolaids Relief Man of the Year with 45 Saves.

Nicknamed El Pulpo because of a condition called polydactyly – six fingers on his hands and six toes on his feet.  In most sports this guy wouldn’t get past tryouts.  But the sometimes freak show that is baseball embraced him.

Had a 2002 Spring Training altercation with Dale Torborg and shortly afterwards was traded with Matt Clement to the Cubs for Julian Tavarez and Dontrelle Willis.  Nice trade for the Marlins. 

In September 2003, while with the Cubs, he bumped an umpire with his gut which garnered a five-game suspension.  I wouldn’t want to be bumped by that thing.  Who knows what’s in it?

Let’s go to the career statistics …

This is a tough one.  El Guapo is a HUGE man who could probably eat the annual food supply of a West African nation in one sitting.  He has the fire of a man trying to return to the big leagues under his own terms.  El Pulpo is a man-beast who has some documented instances of violence … and has an six fingers on his hands.  No word if he killed any Spaniards.

I have to give this one to El Guapo. 

He has a ravenous fan base in the Northeast (don’t mess with Red Sox fans) whereas El Pulpo has bounced from team to team, leaving a trail of blown saves (and pissed off fans) in his wake.  He can’t count on them to have his back.

And even though El Pulpo has an extra finger (to perform an extra special Shocker) – I learned from The Princess Bride that men with six fingers on their hands are always ultimately defeated.

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