Archive for the “Stonecutters” Category

The Ancient Mystic Society of No Homers

No HomersThe Cubs have played nine Games and tallied 303 At-Bats in the month of July with a collective .270 batting average, a .330 slugging percentage, and absolutely zero Home Runs.

What a bunch of Stonecutters.  Stonecutters = “No Homers” for the Simpsons-illiterate.  And they’ve been useless if you’ve got them in our little Home Run Derby contest. 

However, the Cubs are 6-3 during their Homer-less July.  Mind you, five of those wins came against Pittsburgh, Washington and Houston.  Not exactly world-beaters.

The Cubs have played most of their July games against clubs with a propensity to give up the Home Run …

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The Count - Five Home RunsIt’s me … The Count, live from from the Carpathian Mountains.  You remember me from Sesame Street, yes? 

Well I’m here today to count ze Home Runs hit by StoneCutters in ze Home Run Derby last night!

Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah … I love bats … especially ze Baseball Bats.  Count with me !

SorianoONE StoneCutter …

Alfonso Soriano

First 2007 HR and his first as a Chicago Cub

Craig MonroeTWO StoneCutters  …

Craig Monroe 

Home Run #2 – he leaves the StoneCutters

Griffey JrTHREE StoneCutters …

Ken Griffey Jr.

Home Run #2 – he leaves the StoneCutters

Jacque JonesFOUR StoneCutters …

Jacque Jones

First 2007 HR

David Wright - FINALLYFIVE StoneCutters …

David Wright gets his first 2007 HR. 

Now, stop posing for pictures and video game covers, stop showing up on TRL and Letterman (and ESPN commercials while you’re at it), and start hitting more Home Runs you pretty-boy!

FIVE STONECUTTERS … Ah Ah Ah Ah

Standings have been updated.

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With almost a month of Home Run Derby in the books, it’s time to start tracking StoneCutters.  What’s a StoneCutter?

No HomersWell if you’re fan of the Simpsons, you might recall an episode where Homer gets to join a secret Masonic society – the StoneCutters - upon which he infuriates and alienates the other members until they all leave and form a new society – The No-Homers Club.  Homer tries to join that club too, and is turned away even though the club let in Homer Glupkus – “It says ‘No Homers, we’re allowed to have one.’ ”

Well, Home Run Derby has its own No-Homers Club – the StoneCutters.  Where we track those Derby players who can’t seem to get your team out of the bottom half or the standings because they can’t hit Home Runs in a Home Run Derby.  And just like the Simpsons - Players are allowed to have one Homer (or less) to be a StoneCutter.

Group Player HR
A Alfonso Soriano 0
B Carlos Delgado 1
C Raul Ibanez 1
D Derrek Lee 1
D Pat Burrell 1
D Ken Griffey Jr. 1
D Hideki Matsui 1
E Jacque Jones 0
E Gary Sheffield 1
E Ryan Zimmerman 1
E David Wright 0
E Michael Cuddyer 0
E Craig Monroe 1
E Johnny Damon 1
E Shea Hillenbrand 0
E Nomar Garciparra 1
E Mike Piazza 1
E Chad Tracy 1
E Brad Hawpe 1

And this year, we have a ranking system Home Run Derby teams called the StoneCutter Index (SCI).  The ranking is based first on how many StoneCutters on a given roster.  If there’s a tie, the number of HR generated by those StoneCutters (less is worse), followed by their overall spot in the Home Run Derby standings.

Not surprisingly, the first-place Empire of Dirt has the best SCI rating.  The last-place Komodos hold the worst.  The Current SCI Table is after the Jump …

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