Home Run Derby

So help me God, I LOVE THE HOME RUN DERBY.

• Even though it might be glorified batting practice. 
• Even though it might get boring after oh, 10 Home Runs. 
• Even though it might be “all that’s wrong with the game”
• Even though ESPN keeps trying to overhype and destroy it with its predictable coverage of the event. 

Wait … predictable coverage of a television event? 

You know what that means … DRINKING GAME!!

To celebrate this blog’s namesake, Home Run Derby brings you our Third Annual HOME RUN DERBY DRINKING GAME !! 

I’m going for three straight years that I don’t show up for work the day after the Derby.  (2007, 2008)

Get on your drinking jerseys and let’s get started.

(more…)

It’s a long standing tradition for a rehabbing Major League player to pick up the postgame spread for the Minor League club hosting him.  

From Minor League Dugout …

One of baseball’s unwritten rules, along with not talking to a pitcher throwing a no-hitter, requires major league players on rehabilitation assignments to furnish a post-game meal for their often under-funded minor league teammates. [snip]

Tradition holds that the big leaguer will approach the clubhouse manager about picking up something for post game on their last day with the minor league club.

MILB.com reported on this back in May in a piece about Rehab stints.

And the team’s players have the chance to suit up alongside an established star, who following established protocol, nearly always pays for a primo postgame food spread.

And why not?  The usual Minor League spread is akin to pasta, cold cuts, or peanut butter and jelly and typically costs the players $3-10.  MLB players get paid their normal salary even while they’re (usually briefly) in the minors.  Add to that the fact that they’re taking away playing time from a guy trying his heart out to make the bigs and the gesture is a small one that goes a long way.

Angels’ catching prospect Chris Rosenbaum blogged that minor league players look forward to them …

A tangible perk for the players of these assignments is that a post-game spread is usually purchased for us by the Major Leaguers.

“Nearly Always?”   ”Usually?”  

What Major Leaguer would stiff their rehab teammates on such a tradition?  The name should not surprise you.

Manny Ramirez. 

According to the Modesto Bee, Manny stiffed both his Minor League teammates at Albuquerque and Inland Empire of their traditional post-game meal during his little warmup stint before he returned to the Dodgers from his 50-game suspension for taking a banned substance.

Never heard of this tradition before?  Here’s some examples from the past couple years…

• In 2007, D-Backs pitcher Randy Johnson bought the Visalia Oaks a $3,000 dinner from a “national chain steakhouse.”
• Roger Clemens refurbished the Lexington Legends clubhouse with “four new black leather couches, two love seats, a 42-inch plasma television, a 20-inch television, a microwave, DVD and a VCR.”   In 2007 Clemens  bought the Tampa Yankees a post-game spread from Outback Steakhouse.
• Kei Igawa and Hideki Matsui bought the Tampa Yankees a spread from Lee Roy Selman’s.  It’s a barbeque joint.  Yum.
• Rick Ankiel bought a ping-pong table for a minor league clubhouse.
• Jose Valentin treated the St. Lucie Mets to Outback.
• Heck, fifteen years ago, Michael Jordan provided the Birmingham Barons with a tricked out bus. 

 And the big names aren’t the only ones who do it …

• Last season, Florida Marlins pitcher Josh Johnson bought dinner for the Jupiter Marlins.  The year before that he bought a flat screen TV for the Class-AA Carolina Mudcats.
• In May, the Colorado Rockies’ Ryan Spier and Jeff Baker (now withthe Cubs) each bought a postgame meal for the Modesto Nuts.
• In June, SF Giants’ rookie reliver Joe Martinez (the one who was hit in the head by a Mike Cameron line drive in April)  bought the spread for the San Jose Giants.

But Manny couldn’t do that. 

Perhaps someone forgot to tell Manny about the tradition.  Then again, Manny spent three seasons in Cleveland’s farm system and had Minor League rehab assignments in 2000 and 2002.  He would have known about that.

Of course, during his stint in the Minor Leagues, Manny was still officially under suspension and wasn’t being paid a dime (which raises a whole new question of why MLB players under suspension are allowed to play in the minors) … but that’s no excuse. 

Manny will be paid nearly $16.5 Million this season even after pulling out the cash ($7.4 million) he lost as a result of his suspension.

Maybe Manny’s just a big prima donna cheap ass.  He apparently tips about 10%.  Here’s another example when Manny made a producer from “Jimmy Kimmel Live” pick up a $860 tab after a night of drinking with David Ortiz and Johnny Damon.

Manny being Manny, I guess.  Now hit some homers so ESPN can blow their wad and we’ll go back to ignoring what a self-centered douchebag you are.

Funny thing about that MILB.com article about Major Leaguers doing rehabs in the Minors … Manny Ramirez’ picture is prominently featured.

Did Queer Eye for the Straight Guy do a makeover for Roger Clemens lately?

Seven-time Cy Young winner and Mitchell Report namee Roger Clemens showed up at a Houston Rockets game last night.  Wearing a hat I wouldn’t put on a dog. 

Seriously – a pastel green and blue argyle baseball cap?  Who the heck makes that anyway? 
And what man would even consider wearing it? 

I mean, besides Roger Clemens, obviously.   I wonder if there’s an Erasure song (or five) on Clemens’ iPod.

Mind you, some Baseball teams think you’ll wear Argyle caps. 

This one from the New York Yankees is actually pretty sharp. 

Keeping the Bombers’ color scheme works really well on that cap. 
The same cannot be said for the following monstrosities …
(more…)

Get used to it, Alex Rodriguez … because that’s what you’re going to be hearing at MLB Ballparks this year, whenever you step up to bat.  It’s gonna be deafening.

And Home Run Derby will be calling Rodriguez “A-ROID” from now on.

Because Sports Illustrated has itself a little bit of a bombshell this morning … namely that Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003.

In 2003, when he won the American League home run title and the AL Most Valuable Player award as a shortstop for the Texas Rangers, Alex Rodriguez tested positive for two anabolic steroids, four sources have independently told Sports Illustrated.

There are 103 more players that tested positive for PED’s in 2003 whose names haven’t been released.  So this could be the story that keeps on giving.

As a result, Home Run Derby has asterisk’ed Rodriguez’s 2001-3 AL Andre Dawson Awards, given to the Most Outstanding player on a last place team.

And it’s a damn shame the Yankees don’t put player names on the back of their jerseys, because it means I can’t personalize one with “A-ROID” with the #13 on the back.

So – we have news about the Case against Barry Bonds.  And this will be the end of Barry Bonds.

Apparently, the Feds will be subpoenaing former ballplayer Bobby Estalella to testify against Bonds in early March.  And he’s gonna spill. 

Now seriously … does Bobby Estalella look like a man who would know anything about performance enhancing drugs?

(more…)

In advance of the Mitchell Report being published, there was a lot of talk this offseason about teams possibly shying away from players who had been associated with performance enhancing drugs.

Don’t count the Milwaukee Brewers among them.

Because with the Brewers’ signing of free agent outfielder Mike Cameron last week, the Brewers have acquired three players (since November 2007) who have either tested positive for PED’s or have been alleged to have purchased them.

Let’s take a look …

(more…)

Yesterday’s Mitchell Report named Glenallen Hill as one of Kirk Radomski’s clients (page 183-5).  

Apparently Hill purchased Human Growth Hormone from Radomski and it is implied that he was taking it prior to their meeting in 2000.

Who’s shocked at this one?

When Hill played with the Cubs, the man’s arms and lats were so thick he simply couldn’t put his arms straight down at his sides.  

Because of this, the Wrigley Bleacherites called him “Frankenstein.” 

And they would mimic the Frankenstein arm motion after every Home Run hit by Hill.

But here’s the real evidence.  It’s believed that only one player has ever hit a ball on the roof of a building across the street from Wrigley Field.

That player … is Glenallen Hill.  Cue the video.

Yes, folks, Chip Caray was that annoying long before you ever heard him call playoff games on TBS.

Hit Tracker estimated that the blast would have travelled 500 feet if the building wasn’t there.

I think just about everybody expected Sammy Sosa to be named in the Mitchell Report.

He wasn’t. 

I think just about everyone who opined on who would be named by Senator George Mitchell today would have had Sammy Sosa listed.  And I would have agreed with them, which would have kept my “fabulous” record of predictions intact.

But he’s not there. 

Okay, Sosa is mentioned in the report - but he’s not listed among the 86 names.  And he’s only referenced once.  His only mention comes when Senator Mitchell was detailing his attempts to contact Mark McGwire through his attorney …

I sent similar letters with specific questions to lawyers for Barry Bonds, Rafael Palmeiro, Sammy Sosa and Gary Sheffield, none of whom provided answers to my questions either.

Now mind you – just because Sosa isn’t in the Mitchell Report list of players doesn’t mean he didn’t use a performance enhancing substance.  It could just mean that Mitchell didn’t find any cancelled checks payable to Kirk Radomski from Mr. Sosa.

My eyes tell me differently. 

I thought that I could handle any name on the Mitchell Report.  I was wrong.  Wrong.

There are reports out there which say Home Run Derby’s patron saint of overweight pitchers is on the Mitchell Report.

Rich Garces.  El Guapo.

It can’t be true.  Say it ain’t so, Guapo.

What the heck did he take?  Weight Gain 4000?  Let’s go to a live video feed with El Guapo ….

Follow Your Dreams
You can Reach your Goals
I’m Living Proof
Beefcake!  BEEFCAKE!! 

Or did El Guapo eat someone who was on Steroids?

UPDATE:  WOO HOO!!  El Guapo is NOT in the Mitchell Report.  I knew it.