Home Run Derby

Baseball is filled with gross habits. 

Crotch grabbing (which we photo-profiled a couple years ago) is one of them.  It’s a necessity, considering the protective equipment down there.

Spitting is another one.  I won’t go into all the reasons players spit (tobacco, sunflower seeds, disgust, anger, boredom) – but it happens.  A lot. 

And in many different ways. 

Horizontal Spit

Araron Miles and Rickie Weeks demonstrate the lateral spit.  You need some power to get that to go straight.

I’m not sure why Aaron Miles has to close his eyes.  Or why Weeks is spitting at JJ Hardy.

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If you’re about to be thrown out of a baseball game and get arrested … what do you do?

Comply quietly …
or get your money’s worth?

Well, this Milwaukee Brewer fan chose the Red Pill at a recent game at Miller Park and decided to strip down to his boxer shorts before a pair of Milwaukee’s Finest (should they be called Milwaukee’s Best?) could haul him away.

And damn if this isn’t the 21st Century … it’s all on video. 

Watch.  If you dare.

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This week’s Jersey of the Week comes to us from last October, when the Milwaukee Brewers were in the midst of their first playoff appearance in 26 seasons.

I wish I had seen this shirt when it was a bit more relevant … say last October … but it’s just awesome.  It deserves to be recognized as a belated JotW.

Now, after finally making the playoffs after a 26 year postseason absence, Brewers fans were finally feeling some relief.  So much so that some of them peed their pants.

But others … well … they were hoping for another kind of release for their Racing Sausage.

Looks like the Polish is about to get polished. 

It kinda amazes me that no one’s done anything like this with Milwaukee’s Racing Sausages before.  They’re kinda made for innuendo.  If you’re unfamiliar with what a “Happy Ending” is … well, here.

Brewers Playoffs Happy Ending Shirt Rating:

• Cleverness:  10
• Originality:  10
• Understandability:  7  

That shirt used to be available on the internet … but it’s hasta la bye-bye now.  Something makes me wonder if the Brewers’ legal department had something to do with that.

2009 isn’t expected to be a great season for the San Diego Padres.

• The Padres are coming off a last-place finish in the NL West (63-99)
• Baseball Prospectus predicts them to stay in the basement (74-88)
• They’ve been trying to trade their Ace Starting pitcher, 2007 Cy Young winner Jake Peavy
• Trevor Hoffman’s bobblehead is now with the Brewers 
• And Baseball America ranked the Padres’ farm system 29th … of 30 teams.

In fact, the Padres’ greatest cause for celebration during the 2009 season is their past.  More specifically, the Padres’ 40th anniversary as a ballclub … and the 25th anniversary of their 1984 National Peague Pennant. 

You remember 1984 (or maybe you don’t) - when the Padres came back from an two game deficit against the Chicago Cubs in the NLCS to win three straight  and go to their first World Series.

In fact, the Padres will be having a 1984 NL Champions Weekend the weekend of May 22-24.  There will be Fireworks on Friday, a NL Champs celebration game on Saturday (most likely with lots of players from the 1984 team on the field), and T-Shirt and Batting Helmet giveaways all weekend.  I’d also expect the Padres to wear throwback of their hideous 1984 kits (pictured above) for at least one of the games.

But that celebration will be a slap in the face of their opponents that weekend -

The Chicago Cubs. 

Ouch.  That’s just stone cold harsh.  I think it tops the guy who wrote “CUBS SUCK” in the snow in St Louis.

And somehow … I don’t think it’s a coincidence.  Do You?

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Sometimes Baseball legends and Hall of Famers make really bad endorsements.  Harry Caray doing commercials for La Preferida Mexican Foods springs to mind.

Add Johnny Bench to the list.

We’ve already seen that Bench will still sell his soul (appearing with Joe Morgan so George Clooney would show up on Ellen Degeneres’ show) for just about anything.

Here’s Johnny Bench back in 1979, pitching Bazooka’s Bubble Fudge Bubble Gum with his nephew Timmy. 

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I’ve railed on the stone-faced and stone-voiced Joe Buck of Fox Sports a bunch of times in the past … for those of you new to HRD, here’s why I don’t like him.

• That Randy Moss thing
• He underannounced Scott Podsednik’s Home Run in the 2005 World Series
• He completely blew Conan O’Brien’s 2007 World Series “Jub-Jub” request … wasting it on Chris Myers
• He’s a smarmy douchebag

And now, let’s add being the direct beneficiary of misuse of Federal Government resources -more specifically the US Marshall Service (USMS) - to that list.

Wait, what? 

Okay, Buck’s not directly responsible for the misappropriation – that would be one Joseph Band, an attorney in the US Marshalls Office of General Counsel and a part-time statistician for the likes of the Washington Redskins, ESPN, CBS, and Fox Sports. 

But Band seems to have a soft spot for Joe Buck. 

According to a January 9, 2009 filing at the US Department of Justice …

“Deputy US Marshalls (DUSM) drove Fox Sports broadcasters Tim McCarver and Joe Buck in an official government vehicle (OGV) to two World Series games at Fenway Park in October 2007 …”

Mr. Band’s use of the Marshals as his personal limo service didn’t end there … and neither apparently, did Joe Buck’s benefit …

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So we’ve seen some video today of some idiot Phillies Fan dropping from the sky after getting totally noggined by a Vodka bottle.

Let’s stay with the celebration (riot), but let’s go with some less violent video … of a Philly Phan Phlashing the crowd (rioters) during the World Series celebration (riot) …

This fan shows a lot of skin. So be warned …

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So before last night’s Presidential debate at Hofstra … the mascot of the New York Mets – Mr. Met – was hanging around for some reason. 

During the FOX News telecast by Greta Van Susteren … Mr. Met lost his head. 

Literally.

Can anything else go wrong for the Mets the past few years?

I’ve talked about how that’s a giant faux pas in mascotdom before, when video surfaced of all the Milwaukee Brewers’ Racing Sausages without their heads. Or Bodies. 

As a former mascot – you just don’t do that.

Hat tip:  The Mighty Mighty Deadspin

Continuing Home Run Derby’s quest to find the most unique and creative personalized baseball Jerseys/shirts we can find … we’ll stay in Dodger Stadium for a second week with a slightly more disturbing Jersey of the Week.

Apparently … The Devil is a Dodgers fan.

Frankly, I’m a little surprised.  I totally had the Prince of Darkness pegged as a Yankee fan.  Maybe he’s a Joe Torre fan and followed him to LA.  Or maybe ol’ Satan got a little disenfranchised when the Tampa Bay Rays changed their name from “Devil Rays” and started winning baseball games.

I’m kinda even more surprised that MLB would allow “SATAN” as a name on a Customized Authentic (or Replica – I can’t tell) Jersey. 

But lo and behold, if you try to customize a Dodgers Jersey with “SATAN 66″ at MLB.com at MLB.com … it works.

Mind you, you can’t get “666” as a number through the MLB.com shop.  I guess you gotta know someone to be able to pull that off.  Or put it on.  Take your pick.

SATAN 66 Jersey Rating:

• Cleverness: 6
• Originality: 6
• Understandability: 6

The Jersey loses points because it’s missing the third 6.

This really shouldn’t shock anyone, seeing as how fundamentalist preachers have been telling us that Los Angeles is a pit of sin for years.  And Dodgers uber-fan Alyssa Milano once played a Vampire in a movie, didn’t she?