Home Run Derby

Sweet Merciful Crap.

The Home Run Derby is going to be a lot of fun this year.  No matter who the American League throws out there.

Here are your National League 2009 Home Run Derby Contestants …

ALBERT PUJOLS – St Louis Cardinals, 1B
31 HR, 9.03 AB/HR, .336 AVG, 1.200 OPS, 82 RBI

After a first half of hemming and hawing about whther he’d participate in the Derby … St. Louis fans get their wish.  Pujols will play in his 3rd Home Run Derby.

Hometown jinx?  Don’t mention it to Pujols. 

In the 23 previous Home Run Derbies, only one hometown favorite has hoisted a trophy at the end of the night.  That was Ryne Sandberg back in 1990 (I was at that one – you can be happy for me).  Mind you, there’s only been 14 players to participate in a Home Run Derby in their home ballpark.

ADRIAN GONZALEZ - San Diego Padres, 1B
24 HR, 11.8 AB/HR, .261 AVG, .963 OPS, 51 RBI

Quietly having an awesome season for the floundering Padres. 

Don’t let those 24 Home Runs fool you – Gonzalez plays in the spacious Petco Park, where he’s only cranked out 8 Home Runs at clip of 18.1 AB/HR.  On the road, he’s a Pujolsesque 8.5 AB/HR with 16 Homers. 

Gonzalez is my pick from the NL to win the 2009 Home Run Derby.

PRINCE FIELDER - Milwaukee Brewers, 1B
22 HR, 13.2 AB/HR, .313 AVG, 1.056 OPS, 76 RBI

Fielder is the first second generation Home Run Derby contestant.  his father, Cecil Fielder competed back in the early 90’s.  He never won … which gives estranged son Prince some motivation to show up his dad. 

No word if Prince will show off his Brewers underwear if he wins the Derby.

Ryan Howard – Philadelphia Phillies, 1B
20 HR, 15.7 AB/HR, .252 AVG, .841 OPS, 61 RBI

Phillies manager Charlie Manuel is getting some flack for putting Howard on the All-Star roster, but we’re glad he did.  Because Howard can now partake in the Derby.

Howard is the most accomplished NL player in the Derby, having won the Derby in 2006.

BE SURE TOCHECK OUT THE WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS OF THE HOME RUN DERBY CONTESTANTS!!

We’re having a Home Run Derby Contest just for the 2009 MLB Home Run Derby!!  Details right here

This afternoon, for the first time since 1981, the Philadelphia Phillies presented their players and staff with some Bling.

Specifically, World Series Championship Bling. 

And there it is.  That puppy is loaded with diamonds.  Holy crap.

A World Series Ring is what every player dreams of (or should be dreaming of) – even moreso than hot girlfriends, tricked out car stereos, and gobs of money.

… so let’s take a look back at the last eight World Series Championship Rings. 

2007 – Boston Red Sox

For their seventh World Championship, the Red Sox immortalized their hosiery, with a pair of ruby Sox. 

Once again, I have to hand it to the jeweler who designed the red Sox’ bling, because the red on blue is just cool.

Jostens did the honors again, with 42 diamonds for a total weight of 2.33 carats and four special-cut rubies with a weight of 2.14 carats.  That bad boy appraised for about $20,000 when it was handed out in April 2008.

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It’s a new year of baseball, so it’s time to renew an old Home Run Derby tradition. 

It’s the return of HOME RUN OF THE DAY!!

HRD’s first 2009 Home Run of the Day (HRoD) goes to Jordan Schafer of the Atlanta Braves.  Schafer hit the Braves’ 3rd homer of the night to put them up 4-0 over the host Phillies … and cemented a win.  You remember Schafer – he was suspended 50 games in the Minor Leagues last season for using Human Growth Hormone.

Schafer gets the HRoD because it was his first Major League Home Run … and he hit it in his first Major League At-Bat.

This week’s HRD Wayback Machine takes up back into the 1970’s and early 80’s.  

Back then, big name sports stars weren’t lining up to do commercials for Gatorade.  Instead, they were lining up to do commercials for Aqua Velva. 

Okay, Aqua Velva looks a lot like Gatorade, but it was (still is) a men’s aftershave.  I think it was orginally meant to be a mouthwash.  Your dad probably used it.  Personally, I don’t know anyone who used that stuff.

And with the tagline “A man wants to smell like a man” … the cheese factor in the Aqua Velva spots was simply priceless.  Even worse than that Johnny Bench commercial for Bubble Fudge.

Pete Rose was the posterboy for Aqua Velva … and he wasn’t afraid to sing the Aqua Velva jingle.

The cameo by Vic Tayback (Mel from the TV show Alice) makes that whole commercial for me.

But that’s not Charlie Hustle’s best work.  Here’s Rose simultaneously taking batting practice and putting on the charm on a female reporter. 

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So I went to the store the other day to replenish my weekly box of Wheaties (I eat ‘em with dried cranberries) and – to my disappointment – found the box to be once again graced by Bryan Clay.

Who’s that, you ask?  Well I guess he’s some US decathlete who won a Gold Medal in the 2008 Olympics back in August.  Incidentally, 99.8% of America hasn’t cared about that since, ohhh … three days back in August.

And I was wondering … why hasn’t this guy been knocked off the box by the 2008 World Series Champion Philadelphia Phillies?

Seriously.  From 2004 through 2007, the World Series Champion was immortalized on the Wheaties box.  Take a gander …

That’s David Ortiz, Mark Buehrle, Chris Carpenter, and Josh Beckett representing the last four World Series Champions.

But the Phillies have apparently received the shaft from Wheaties.  Is the economics of whole-wheat cereal so bad that General Mills can’t afford to put even a single Phillie on the box?  Did they blow their 2008 endorsement budget on the Celtics’ Kevin Garnett, triathlete Jarrod Shoemaker, gymnast Nastia Liukin, and decathlete Bryan Clay? 

Either way, I think that’s wrong.  If you win a World Series – at least one of your players should get on the Wheaties Box.  Even if it’s just a limited edition in that town.

So here’s a few Wheaties boxes I put together for the World Series Champion Phillies …

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Ever wonder who that silhouetted left-handed slugger at the top of this website is?

Well, he just got $54 Million over three years from the Philadelphia Phillies.

Facebook.  Everybody’s doing it. 

Facebook is a great way to keep up with friends, reconnect with old ones you forgot about, constantly update people about the excruciating minutiae in your life, and avoid doing any work.

But it would appear that Facebook doesn’t love everyone.  Namely, one Allan H. Selig.  Also known as Bud Selig, the current commissioner of Major League Baseball.

Take a look …

Hilarious. 

Yes, I know that Facebook page almost assuredly doesn’t actually belong to Bud Selig.  Or this one.  Or this one (which lists former NBA commissioner David Stern as Bud’s only friend.  More likely, they’re all fake Facebook pages under the name ”Bud Selig.”

But there are a bunch of Facebook Groups who don’t like Bud Selig … and here’s some of them.  But be warned … some of them have some NSFW names.

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Words have a funny way of biting people in the ass.  Or their Pujols.

In 2006, Ryan Howard won the National League Most Valuable Player Award … prompting runner-up Albert Pujols to say the following …

“I see it this way: Someone who doesn’t take his team to the playoffs doesn’t deserve to win the MVP“

Pujols had the sour grapes in 2006 after leading his St. Louis Cardinals to a World Series Championship while Howard’s Philadelphia Phillies didn’t make the playoffs.

Fast Forward to today … Albert Pujols won the 2008 NL MVP, beating out runner-up Ryan Howard.  Howard’s Phillies won the World Series while Pujols’ Cardinals didn’t make the playoffs.

OOPS. You can’t write this stuff any better.

I would love to hear Pujols say “I really don’t deserve this” when he accepts the award. Even though I think Pujols is 100 times more deserving of the 2008 NL MVP than Ryan Howard.

By being named MVP, Pujols will get a $200,000 bonus from the Cardinals, per his contract.

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I figured we were done showing videos from the Phillies’ World Series victory parade (a guy on a traffic light getting noggin’d by a vodka bottle, Ryan Howard catching a flying beer can, a fan flashing the crowd) … but they just keep coming.

But this video (courtesy of the Fightin’s) just might be the best one yet.

Watch as this toddler proves to be a better cheerleader than the lovely Philly Ballgirls. With the Philly crowd waiting for the parade to start, this little guy raised his arms for a picture in front of the crowd outside City Hall … and everyone went wild.

Over and over again.

That’s too much power for one man to have. Even if he’s 2 years old.

And kudos to the Philly Phans for being so sweet. Usually they throw snowballs or vodak bottles at people doing that kind of stuff.