Home Run Derby

  Kali Speta, my friends.  It’s been a long time since the diner has been open, but hey we are through the first month of the season and the Derby has a bunched up leaderboard.  It seems like a good time for the Greek to rattle off the things that are on his mind, share some interesting links and more importantly say something stupid.  Let’s get dinging.

Ding:  I am kind of sad to see Jo-Jo the Idiot boy fall from the top of leaderboard.  Probably because Tommy Boy is one of my favorite movies, and the scene where the Jo-Jo alter ego is introduced is a classic … and I pet it, I stroke it … you’re a naughty pet, your naughty!!!  And then … sccrrunnch, sccrunnch … Oh, no, I KILLED IT.   Oh screw it, let’s go to the tape.

Ding:  Last time I checked David Wright is still to dead to me.  Wait, hold on…yep, still dead to me.

Ding:  Last season’s doormat the Komodos are back and apparently have learned about picking catchers in the Derby (rule #1 don’t pick catchers, they don’t get enough at bats).  The Komodos are respectably in the middle of the pack and are almost closer to first (-15) than last place (+13).

Ding:  Cub Fans … Soto’s 8 consecutive strikeouts was post worthy and not “overblown Cubs hate.” Deal with it.

Ding:  On a brighter note, Soto had an outstanding bounce back with 2 Home Runs last night, 1 short of the magic 3 Home Run night that would have led to another feat feature for him.  That would have been pretty incredible … Platinum Sombrero to 3 Home Run night in the course of a few days.

Ding:  Super Rays fan David Chalk at Bugs and Cranks has been able to paste together two of man’s greatest vices, baseball and hookers. Too bad, no pictures.

Ding:  Apparently, Home Run Derby mascot Rich “El Guapo” Garces (one of many HRD mascots) hasn’t hung them up yet. He was recently re-signed by the Nashua (NH) Pride of the Canadian-American league.  (Hat Tip to El Guapo’s Ghost).

Ding: 35 of us, including the Greek, are not happy to see A-Rod on the DL. 

Somebody out there really knows me (actually, full disclosure: I do have a friend at ESPN Zone that forwarded this on to me) and designed the perfect contest for me, and probably many readers of this site.

Yep a “watching TV, eating, and drinking as much as you want all while sitting in a perfect recliner” contest. The ESPN Zone in Chicago is running its 6th annual (who knew they had already run 5 of these before), Ultimate Couch Potato Competition. 

This is no joke, it is a real competition. 

The rules are simple: sit in a comfy DreamSeat recliner in the front row of the Screening Room facing a wall of HD TVs, all showing non-stop sports programming and featuring the college bowl games. 

Participants can order unlimited food and beverages compliments of ESPN Zone, however they may not sleep or leave their chair and restroom breaks are permitted every eight hours.

The ESPN Zone in New York is going to have their first one this New Year’s Day.   Second City my ass.

Five lucky participants (including last year’s champ) have a duel to see who can sit on the recliner the longest while watching sports, eating and drinking without falling asleep. You get a bathroom break every 8 hours.  According to the site, last year’s winner made it 40 hours.

I think this Greek could take this in a breeze, but alas, there is NO way I get a 2 or 3 day hall pass to compete, especially from work (the contest starts on New Year’s Day and this finance guy can’t miss year end close).

It really is too bad, because among the prizes you win if you are the last person awake is a 42 inch HD TV, which I really need.  And get this … no matter win or lose, if you make it 12 hours, you get to the keep the recliner!!  12 hours … any amateur sports watcher should be able to do that.

Maybe one of you guys out there have the right stuff to do this!  Check out the site and enter if you so choose.  Maybe Richie will throw in a Homerderby.com T-shirt if you win …

Do we have those Richie?

 Kali Speta my friends.  Today marks the annual “thank god yesterday is finally over” chant, because we all know the day after the MLB All-Star is the worst sports day in the world.  How did Nick the Greek spend his no-sports Wednesday night?  Of course, I watched the ESPN replay of the homerun derby while taking a second spin with Richie’s HRD drinking game.  Here is the verdict, you get just as wasted the second time, and I am still hearing the voice of Harry Caray loud and clear from the grave.

Ding: Speaking of the grave, that jackass David Wright is still dead to me.  Let’s see he hits 4 homers in 4 games from June 7-10, then he hits 4 homers in the 26 games.  All-Star my ass.   I would take Aramis Rameriz over him any day (and you all know how much I love the Cubs).

Ding: I heard this discussion on the radio recently, and I hadn’t given much thought about it but is certainly deserves mention on this blog.  What if Barry Bonds breaks the record at Wrigley, does the fan who catches the ball follow tradition and throw it back (and a definite six, if not seven, figure pay day)?  If he (or she) doesn’t throw it back, will the Wrigley crowd give him (or her) a pass?  or does a parade of beers get tossed on the offender?  It is certainly possible that it will happen.  Roidboy needs 4 homers and after hosting the Dodgers for 3 games starting today, the Giants invade the friendly confines for a 4 game set.  Chances are Barry only plays 3 games given that two games are day games (the last two).  Anyway, leave some comments, let me know what you think.  Will it be thrown back or not?  Discuss the merits.

Ding: In case you were wondering, I would keep the ball and sell it to the highest bidder.

Ding: Congrats to Triple Crown, Master-Batters and the Great Hambino for their award winning performances in the first half.  Triple C, just so you know, last year’s first half winner didn’t keep the pace for the 2nd Half.  I should know, it was yours truly.

Ding: Second Half prediction, First half punching bag, Komodos, will over taking one time first half leader El Guapos.  “Whereever there is suffering…”

Ding: This week’s look at former girlfriends of the Cap’n, Derek Jeter features Miss Universe (and by default Miss India) 2000, Lara Dutta.  She is not high on my list of lookers for Derek, but hey, even the Cap’n goes 1-5 some games.

Well that’s it for today. I hope you all hit a homer today and good luck in the second half.  More Lara after the jump.

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Kali Speta my friends. It is the day after Independence Day, better known as “Oh, Shit!” Day. It is the day the founding fathers woke up with a very large hang-over and said “We did what? Oh Shit!”, followed by “We have to fight the most powerful army and navy in the world with what…Oh, Shit!”Anyway, thank goodness our forefathers had the balls to follow through with the Declaration of Independence. Could you imagine baseball as British Colonial’s pastime, instead of America’s pasttime. But I digress into history, which could lead to politics, and if you want to engage in a political discussion, check out Courage Makes A Majority, my political blog (sorry for the shameless plug Richie – Actually I am not, but it sounds better that I do!). Anyway, let’s get dinging.

Ding: His ‘Roidness hit 751, so we should be seeing Hammerin’ Hanks record fall in the next week or two. Here’s to hoping Drill-Rod…I mean A-Rod hurries up to hit another 275 homers (probably another 6 or 7 seasons).

Ding: Hey Richie, in case you missed it, Brad Wilkerson hit 3 dingers on Tuesday. Get cracking on that post highlighting his exploits with a Louisville Slugger.

Ding: Congrats to the Komodos on their explosion out of the DFL position. Things are looking up for you guys. Remember, the Second Half title starts with everyone at zero again, so you have something to shoot for. Bad News, you can’t drop Mike Piazza from your team.

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Kali Speta! Yep, its Friday and it’s time for Gyros Thursday. Nick the Greek got stuck out East with a cancelled flight earlier this week, so I am a day off on my internal calendar. So let’s get started.

Ding: It is a Cubs-Sox series weekend, and I have to say…who really cares? The Sox suck. The Cubs suck. Only 5 more weeks until the Bears start training camp. I am looking forward to the first “Devin Hester…you are ridiculous!” call by Jeff Joniak (not to be confused with my old fraternity brother Jeff Janiak).

Ding: Can we officially dump all that Cubs Kool-Aid everyone was drinking? Eight games under .500 … season is over folks. Turn your attention to tracking Barrett vs Bowen stats for the rest of the year. And if you are a Sox fan, add the two together and see how badly AJ Pierzynski beat them combined.

Ding: Speaking of catchers, the Italiarican mentioned in a comment on the Barrett post that it is easier to replace a catcher than a pitcher, and I ask the audience … is it?

Jason Kendall is a starting catcher, as is Rob Bowen or Koyie Hill. In fact some of the crummiest offensive players out there are catchers: Miguel Olivo, Ramon Hernandez, Gerald Laird, Josh Bard. Now I know what to do with my 20 month old son, Sam. Honey, we are getting Sam a mask, some shinguards and a chest protector. He is going to catch. And we need to have him swing the bat left handed too.

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 Kali Speta my friends.  Nick the Greek is back from his much needed rest and is ready to serve up some more Sammiches for the friendly diners.  Gyros Thursday is back and the time has come to start the dings.  You like da juice, huh?  Athanasios!!! Get my friends da juice.  Since Richie has decided to talk about beards, I thought I should provide a couple of thoughts on the subject myself.  No soul patches allowed!

 Ding: I don’t think he ever played baseball, unless he was a minor leaguer with the Baghdad IEDs, the Falluja Jihadists or the Basra Bombers.  But this beard ranks up at the top of all time great beards.  I guess six months in a spider hole can do that too you.  Hey Sadam, how does hell feel?  Does Satan’s beard tickle?  Save a seat for Gary Sheffield and Barry Bonds…they will be joining you some day.

Ding:  Joe Crede…Dead.  Hard to compete for the title when you have one of your 15 players on the shelf for 65% of the season.  4 HR is 47 games…C’mon Joe you could have had the surgery back in November and feeling great right now.

Ding: Give me a K…Give me an O…M…O…D….nah still too easy.  I will let them wallow in peace.

Ding: Once upon a time, the El Gaupos stood atop the leaderboard, now they are 38 dingers off the pace.  The fall happened shortly after the arrival of the Three Amigos post. To Do List for Nick the Greek: Write funny posts about Triple Crown, the Master Batters, Hackers and The Great Hambino to establish the Nick the Greek Jinx.

Ding: Richie’s Soriano post on his 3 dong day leads me to one conclusion.  Anytime we have a player hit 3 homers in a day, Richie must chronicle the feat with a front page post.  It happens about 10 times a year (11 times in 2006, 6 in 2005, 13 in 2004, and 12 in 2003; 2001 had it happen a record 22 times.).  Albert Pujols and Ryan Howard did it on the same day last year (Sept 3rd).  That should keep you busy Richie.

Ding:  We all know that Prince Fielder is on fire with 12 Homeruns over the last 30 days.  I would venture to guess that most people don’t realize that he is only third in slugging percentage over that same time frame.  Third.  Guess who is ahead of him…Pujols? Nope, he was 5th. Magglio? Nope, he was 7th. The dead man (you know the Mets 3rd baseman)? He was actually 8th (but still dead to me).  Your winners would be Casey Kotchman (.827 in 75 ABs) and Carlos Pena…you remember him right? (.797 in 69 ABs).  Prince slugged .732 in 97ABs.

Ding: Although there are a couple of Derek Jeter ex-girlfriends left to feature, I figured we could work in a future girlfriend that fits with our theme and timely publication news.  I think this month’s playboy covergirl, Amanda Beard would make a great match with the Captain.  She is certainly hot enough for the best shortstop in baseball. Although, she might be a better athlete them him.  And she is definitely the best looking Beard pictured on Homerderby to date (Komodo’s hero Mike Piazza’s coverup wife nonwithstanding).

Get more Amanda after the jump.  Yasso and hit a homer today.

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Nick the Greek took a much need respite this week (without my kids even). So I leave you with some vacation thoughts. No baseball today my friends.

Yasoo!! I hope you hit a homer today!

Kali Speta, my Homer Derby brothers (and a couple sisters)!! 

Time for the weekly dinging on all subjects baseball, derby, and anything else on my mind.  I’m doing a little late night blogging.  Too bad I still don’t live downtown, because a 2 AM run to Lincoln Park Gyros would be a fitting way to end this evening.  Oh well, I guess the picture will have to suffice.

Ding: As a White Sox fan, I have to say, I am really tired of Ozzie putting Rob Mackowiak and his .297 slugging percentage in the line up everyday.  Yes, he hit his 2nd dinger of the season on Wednesday.  Doesn’t matter, he still sucks.

Ding: Now to sound like a whiny White Sox Fan, Minnesota has to lead the league in crappy hits.  Broken bat single here, seeing eye grounder there, and they always seem to happen at home.  I will not miss the old roller dome when it is finally retired from the baseball rotation in a couple years.  My only fond memory of that place is Ditka on Rollerskates.

Ding: Speaking of Da Coach.  Seems like a good time to share my favorite picture of him.

Ding: Barry Bonds hit a homerun.  Whoopie-Doo.

Ding:  National Bingo night has now taken the title of World’s stupidest game show.  I find it amazing that no one has mentioned the show tacit racism (or xenophobia may be the better term) with the pakistani guy that shouts “No Bingo”!

Ding: Many thanks to Fred Couples for skipping this weeks Memorial Tournament.  Jackass.

Ding:  I have a good idea for Derek Jeter’s next girl friend. How about Miss Tampa Bay Devil Ray, Jenn Sterger.  Richie, couldn’t you find us a link that might be a little NSFW.  But that brings me to today’s featured Jeter girlfriend, the dream lover herself, Mariah Carey.  I was tempted to use picures of porn-star Mary Carey because it would be better content, but alas, she hasn’t dated Derek Jeter…At least not yet.

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 Kali Speta!  It is time for another edition of your favorite weekly feature, Gyros Thursday.  OK maybe its not your favorite, but it’s my favorite.  Where else can I blibber-blabber about all things baseball (and somethings not about baseball).  Time to break out the bell and get dinging.

Ding:  Boo Hoo.  Barry Bonds hasn’t hit a homerun since May 8th.  Maybe someone replaced his HGH injection with estrogen (ala the Longest Yard remake).

Ding: On the flip side, Justin Morneau, his BS MVP and his broken nose have hit 8 dingers since May 8th.  Hopefully he won’t disappear like last September.

Ding:  How about that Marla Hooch, What A Hitter.  I know what you are thinking. We want chicks that dig the long ball, not one that hits the long ball.  I figured we needed a chick sorbet to clear the pallet after the latest hotties on the site.  But hey, She’s got an eye like DiMaggio…and a chin like him as well.

Ding:  The over/under date for when the Komodos total HRs are half the the leader’s totals (hopefully the 300 spartans) is June 28. 

Ding:  Domo arigato, Shingo Takatsu, Domo…Domo…Thank you very much, Shingo Takatsu for sucking at the Derby like you do. Thank you…Thank you!!!

Ding:  After a two week hiatus, Let’s get back to the Derek Jeter ex-girlfriend club.  This week we feature the lovely Vanessa Minnillo, ex MTV host and current Entertainment Tonight Reporter.  Derek Jeter you are incredible.  If I ever meet you in person, I will stand on the table and say at the top of my lungs, “Oh Captain, My Captain”.

More Vanessa after the jump.  Yasso! I hope you all hit a homer today.

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