Home Run Derby

So help me God, I LOVE THE HOME RUN DERBY.

• Even though it might be glorified batting practice. 
• Even though it might get boring after oh, 10 Home Runs. 
• Even though it might be “all that’s wrong with the game”
• Even though ESPN keeps trying to overhype and destroy it with its predictable coverage of the event. 

Wait … predictable coverage of a television event? 

You know what that means … DRINKING GAME!!

To celebrate this blog’s namesake, Home Run Derby brings you our Third Annual HOME RUN DERBY DRINKING GAME !! 

I’m going for three straight years that I don’t show up for work the day after the Derby.  (2007, 2008)

Get on your drinking jerseys and let’s get started.

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Being a baseball fan living in the Chicago area, I’ve had the chance to watch a lot of White Sox TV play-by-play announcer Ken “Hawk” Harrelson.

He’s pretty much known for his cornpone country shtick and baseball catchphrases as much as being the first baseball player to regularly wear a batting glove. 

Among Harrelson’s phraseology is 

• He Gone (for a strikeout victim)
• Gas (for a fastball)
• Stretch (cheering for a fly ball to get over the fence

Mind you , I somehow missed the fact that he says the exact same thing to start up every game he broadcasts.

 ”Sit Back, Relax, and Strap it down.” 

Here’s Hawk saying that phrase … 32 different times.

Did you notice former White Sox TV analyst Darrin Jackson doing what he did best?  Namely showing off his glazed expression while not saying anything as Harrelson dominates the airwaves?

I saw this license plate the other day and wondered what Hawk Harrelson was doing at my local Wal-Mart.

Seriously?  The TV announcer for the White Sox drives a Ford Fusion?  I mean, I understand that he might not have enough scratch to drive White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle’s big ass truck, but come on.

I’m just kidding.  That’s not Hawk Harrelson’s car. 

It’s probably Darrin Jackson’s.

I’ve railed on the stone-faced and stone-voiced Joe Buck of Fox Sports a bunch of times in the past … for those of you new to HRD, here’s why I don’t like him.

• That Randy Moss thing
• He underannounced Scott Podsednik’s Home Run in the 2005 World Series
• He completely blew Conan O’Brien’s 2007 World Series “Jub-Jub” request … wasting it on Chris Myers
• He’s a smarmy douchebag

And now, let’s add being the direct beneficiary of misuse of Federal Government resources -more specifically the US Marshall Service (USMS) - to that list.

Wait, what? 

Okay, Buck’s not directly responsible for the misappropriation – that would be one Joseph Band, an attorney in the US Marshalls Office of General Counsel and a part-time statistician for the likes of the Washington Redskins, ESPN, CBS, and Fox Sports. 

But Band seems to have a soft spot for Joe Buck. 

According to a January 9, 2009 filing at the US Department of Justice …

“Deputy US Marshalls (DUSM) drove Fox Sports broadcasters Tim McCarver and Joe Buck in an official government vehicle (OGV) to two World Series games at Fenway Park in October 2007 …”

Mr. Band’s use of the Marshals as his personal limo service didn’t end there … and neither apparently, did Joe Buck’s benefit …

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It’s been no secret that Ron Santo desperately wants to get into the Hall of Fame.  But that nasty Veterans’ Committee just won’t let him in.  Even after the selection rules were changed after the 2007 elections (coincidentally or not) which gave him a better shot in 2008, he still wasn’t selected.  Then again, neither was anyone else.

A number of sportswriters have been stumped for years why Santo’s not in the Hall. 

Well, thanks to a Dentist’s advert on YouTube … we think we’ve figured it out.  And it was right under Santo’s nose.  Literally.

Ron Santo had bad teeth.  And I mean bad. 
Austin Powers Bad.
“Big Book of British Smiles” Bad.

And we all know that you need a great smile to get people to vote for you.

Don’t believe me? 
Check out these before and after closeups of Santo’s choppers …

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All day while posting silly videos from the on-street celebration of the Phillies World Series Victory, I’ve been calling the fans “rioters” and “the celebration a “riot.”

I got a couple emails frompeople saying I shouldn’t say that. That it wasn’t a riot.

Well, there were some instances where the party almost turned ugly. Not including the guy who took the bottle to the head.

Here’s video taken from a helicopter camera showing a bunch of Phillies Fans (rioters) trying to knock over a KYW-TV Van … breaking a few windows in the process.

Fortunately, some of Philly’s Finest were on hand to break up the hooligans before they knocked the van over.

You stay classy, Philadelphia.

Cue commenters talking something about the 1% ruining it for the rest of the city or something.

Two of the last three Debates between the Republican and Democratic candidates for President and Vice-President have all been in direct competition with Playoff Baseball.

The Debate committee has got to get its priorities straight. 

The Vice-Presidential Debate on October 2nd was up against Game 2 of the NLDS between the Cubs and Dodgers at Wrigley Field.  And last night’s Presidential Debate was up against Game 5 of the NLCS between the Phillies and Dodgers. 

I had a hard time choosing between the events.  I was using the clicker to flip back and forth between  that Dodgers-Cubs game and the Palin-Biden debate.

Apparently, I wasn’t alone. 

Here’s a screen shot of CNN Legal Analyst Jeffrey Toobin during the October 2nd VEEP Debate - he’s at MLB.com’s GameDay, following the Cubs-Dodgers game on his laptop.

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Apparently, Boston ain’t big anough for two hot, blonde sideline reporters.
Specifically, ESPN’s Erin Andrews and NESN’s Heidi Watney.

Here’s a screenshot from a recent Red Sox game at Fenway with the two sideline temptresses du jour in the same picture.

Whoa. That sure looks like Erin Andrews is checking out NESN reporter Heidi Watney’s behind.
And Andrews doesn’t look happy about it. She’s got that same “pissed off look” she gave Joba Chamberlain a few months back.

Watney seems to know something is up, too. Probably because her ass is burning up from the eye-lasers Andrews is firing at it.

Does ESPN’s Alpha Hottie sense some competition? Could this turn ugly when both of them go to interview/grab the bicep of Jason Varitek at an upcoming Sawx game?

Who ya got?

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hat tip: Barstool Sports

So last week, Home Run Derby found video made by some blue douchebag who dumped a bucket of water on a Mouthpiece Sports reporter (Ms. Molly Dapier)

Well Ms. Dapier has spoken …

“I was shocked at first, but once I realized it was just water, it wasn’t that big of a deal,” said our reporter Molly Dapier. “I was going to dry off eventually. I really didn’t think this whole thing would be that big of a deal and I’m just glad everyone could get a good laugh from it all!”

Well, as you might recall, the MPS video guy kept rolling as Dapier got doused and even after the event. 

Wouldn’t you like to see that angle?

Here’s the video taken by the Mouthpiece Sports camera.

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