Home Run Derby

Tonight is the MLB Home Run Derby in San Francisco …  which just happens to be the inspiration for this blog’s name.

We here at Home Run Derby love the Home Run Derby.  It’s often more entertaining than the actual All-Star Game because it doesn’t pretend to matter.  No bogus “This time it Counts” slogan or a World Series home-field advantage decided by this one. 

Just lots of Home Runs … even Chris Berman can’t ruin that can he?  He can? 

Aww, crap.  Ken Griffey Junior’s not in it?  No Barry Bonds either?  Sissy.

What?  Joe Morgan’s gonna jabber through it too? 

You are seriously harshing my Home Run buzz over here … speaking of a buzz …

To deaden the effect of Berman and Morgan let’s have a Home Run Derby drinking game!! 

Raise your Anchor Steams!

Short Version:

• Put 911 on speed dial
• Drink every time Chris Berman says “back” as in “Back-Back-Back”
• Wake up in hospital with alcohol poisoning

Longer Version:

• Drink for every Home Run
• Drink when the Counting Crows finish their set before the Derby
• Drink twice for every “Splash Hit” Home Run into McCovey Cove
• Drink for every ball dropped in the outfield by the kids shagging flies
• Drink twice when a kid steals a ball from another kid in the outfield
• Drink whenever someone mentions Barry Bonds
• Drink every time Joe Morgan says something stupid (or opens his mouth)
• Drink whenever they show a player waving a towel
• Drink for every time they show a highlight of Ryan Howard from the 2006 HR Derby
• Drink twice if Crazy Crab is spotted in the ballpark
• Drink 10,000 times when someone mentions the Phillies are about to hit 10,000 losses (just kidding)
• Drink whenever they show a player with a video camera
• Drink when an announcer calls AT&T Park either Pac Bell Park or SBC Park
• Drink twice when someone mentions Justin Morneau is Canadian
• Drink when ESPN shows you a player’s kid
• Drink twice if someone breaks a bat
• Drink when someone mentions Miguel Cabrera’s injury
• Drink when a player stops by the booth (like AJ Pierzynski last year)
• Finish your drink if a batter swings and misses
• Drink three times if a player hits the ginormous Coke Bottle in left field
• Finish your drink and go get another drink and finish that if the Glove in left “catches” a Home Run
• Drink when Chris Berman says something other than “Back-Back-Back …” as a Home Run Call (examples include “fuhgedaboudit” or “Does this have the mustard?”)
• Drink when Berman says “He hit that ball to Oakland/San Jose/Napa Valley/Sausalito/Berkeley/insert Bay Area town here”
• Finish your drink when (not if) Berman says “Alcatraz couldn’t hold that ball!”
• Finish your drink when you realize that all of Berman’s inane chatter is saving you from hearing more of Joe Morgan’s inane chatter
• Finish your drink if there’s any kind of a “You’re With Me, Leather” sighting (T-Shirt, sign, etc)
• Finish your drink if you still don’t know who Alex Rios is after the HR Derby is finished
• Drink some Canadian Club if Justin Morneau wins the HR Derby
• Pee your Pants if Prince Fielder wins the HR Derby

Feel free to put suggestions in the comments. 

This entry was posted on Monday, July 9th, 2007 at 9:38 am and is filed under Beer, Drunken Fans, MLB Home Run Derby. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.