Jul
12
2009
The 2009 Home Run Derby Drinking Game
Posted by: Richie Rich in Announcers, Beer, Drunken Fans, ESPN, Erin Andrews, MLB All-Star Game, MLB Home Run Derby, SteroidsSo help me God, I LOVE THE HOME RUN DERBY.
- Even though it might be glorified batting practice.
- Even though it might get boring after oh, 10 Home Runs.
- Even though it might be “all that’s wrong with the game”
- Even though ESPN keeps trying to overhype and destroy it with its predictable coverage of the event.
Wait … predictable coverage of a television event?
You know what that means … DRINKING GAME!!
To celebrate this blog’s namesake, Home Run Derby brings you our Third Annual HOME RUN DERBY DRINKING GAME !!
I’m going for three straight years that I don’t show up for work the day after the Derby. (2007, 2008)
Get on your drinking jerseys and let’s get started.
- Drink whenever Chris Berman includes a St. Louis landmark in his Home Run call … “He hit that off the Arch!” / “He hit that to Laclede’s Landing!” / “That’s in the Mississippi” / “That’s over the Anheuser-Busch Brewery!” / “That one’s to EAST St. Louis!!”
- Drink if all Berman can do is go “OOOOOHHHHH … OOOOHHHHH … OOOHHHH!!” Drink again when you realize this is an improvement over his normal schtick.
- Drink if Berman says NOTHING during a Home Run. It’s happened before. ONCE.
- Drink if ESPN’s new Home Run Radar technology is cool. Drink twice if it sucks. Drink three times if it’s a catastrophe.
- Drink if Steve Phillips says the word “Mets”
- Drink if Steve Phillips brings anything useful to the conversation.
- Drink every time Joe Morgan says something that defies all logic or contradicts himself in the same sentence (this one could put you in the hospital).
- Finish your drink when you realize that all of Berman’s inane chatter is saving you from hearing more of Joe Morgan’s inane chatter.
- Drink anytime you see Erin Andrews. Twice if it’s a butt shot.
- Drink if they show footage of the sideline princess getting hit by that ball last week.
- Finish your drink if she gets hit again.
- Drink if anyone says “Jub-Jub” Oh wait, that’s Joe Buck’s thing.
- Drink when a montage of Josh Hamilton’s 2009 Home Run Derby homerpalooza is shown.
- Drink if ESPN puts together a “25th Anniversary of the Home Run Derby” montage.
- Drink if someone mentions that Alex Rodriguez, Mark Teixeira, Justin Morneau, and Ichiro all said “No” to the Derby this year.
- Drink when someone brings up the idea that the Derby messes up your swing. Drink twice if Bobby Abreu’s name comes up.
- Finish your drink when (not if) ESPN shows the Mark McGwire Highway sign over Interstate 70. This one.
- Speaking of signs, Drink when they show footage of Albert Pujols breaking the “BIG MAC LAND” sign in left field earlier this season.
- Finish your drink and go get another drink and finish that drink if someone does it in the Derby.
- Drink when a ball drops in front of five kids shagging flies in the outfield.
- Drink when you see a player with a video camera.
- Drink when you see a player’s kid or wife on the field.
- Drink if you see a tattoo on one of the players.
- Drink if a batter grabs his crotch or spits.
- Finish your drink if a batter swings and misses.
- Finish your drink if a batter gets hit.
- Finish your drink if a batter breaks his bat.
- Drink twice if a fan runs on the field.
- Finish your drink and go get another drink and finish that drink if it’s a girl and she kisses a player Morganna-style
- Drink whenever you see someone waving a Dominican flag when Albert Pujols is up to bat. Drink twice if you think it’s weird for someone to be waving a Dominican flag for a US Citizen like Pujols.
- Drink when someone mentions that Albert Pujols’ nickname is “The Machine.”
- Get a life if you still giggle whenever someone says “Poo-Holes”
- Drink when someone mentions that Prince Fielder is a vegetarian. Twice if it’s in conjunction to his size or weight.
- Drink if you see Fielder’s Brewers underwear.
- Drink whenever you hear the name “Cecil Fielder”
- Drink when someone wonders how many Home Runs Adrian Gonzalez could hit if he didn’t play half his games in Petco Park.
- Drink when someone tells you that Ryan Howard was born in St. Louis.
- Drink if you see Will Leitch in the stands. I still owe that guy a beer.
- Drink if you see Zack Hample. Twice if he catches another stinking ball. Save some for the rest of us, allright?
- Drink if you still don’t know who Nelson Cruz is.
Got suggestions I missed? Hit em up in the comments.
Entries (RSS)
July 13th, 2009 at 6:08 am
[...] The Legendary Home Run Derby Drinking Game [Home Run Derby] [...]
July 13th, 2009 at 6:57 am
[...] Put on your drinking pants and game faces, because we have the official Home Run Derby Drinking Game. <homerderby> [...]
July 13th, 2009 at 8:00 am
[...] The rules, which hinge mostly on Chris Berman’s play-by-play stylings, are added to and conformed each year to the city/ballpark that’s hosting the event. The event for the Ashbrook Men’s Club is made even deadlier due to the fact that we continue to fuse our favorite rules from previous years to the current year’s rules making the potential for a 911 call all the more real. My brother will probably just text them though. [...]
July 13th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I’m already hammered.
July 13th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Does that mean Mr. Sooze is getting lucky tonight?
July 13th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
If there was a Mr. Sooze he would be extra lucky tonight!
July 13th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
(…especially if Man Muscles crushes the most longballs.)
July 13th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
[...] at monstrous home run shots hit by guys who aren’t on steroids*. Anyway, you can read this (maybe) for a preview of the greatness you can expect. If you actually follow that drinking game, [...]
July 13th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Too bad I don’t have ESPN. Here’s a couple (though it’s too late to drink to them, as I saw on MLB.com that Sideburn Boy didn’t make it out of the first round:
Drink when they mention that Joe Mauer is a batting champion…who doesn’t hit many home runs.
Drink if they mention he’s a kid playing for his hometown team.
You’ll be able to get hammered when they play the ASG here in a few years…if he’s still at Twin.
July 13th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
[...] Home Run Derby » The 2009 Home Run Derby Drinking Game [...]
July 14th, 2009 at 9:21 am
I’m sad that I found these rules the day after the HR Derby, otherwise I would’ve been drunk off my ass and it would have made the Derby actually fun to watch for 3+ hours. Good work, folks!
July 14th, 2009 at 10:35 am
After watching Inge’s performance last night we tacked on the following rule:
“Finish your drink if a player hits 0 home runs in a round.”
I would propose that this rule be added to the permanent rules list.
This was the first time since 2005 that someone hit 0 so it’s not too common to be a problem. It also has happened several times so that there’s a realistic chance the rule might come into play on occasion.