Wha’choo talkin’bout? Gary Coleman to be offered Minor League Contract
Posted by: Richie Rich in Critters, Minor Leagues
The Madison Mallards of the Northwoods League (a summer collegiate baseball league) are hosting an 80’s night tonight.
On hand will be former child star Gary Coleman. That’s no big deal.
Kind of a little deal, if you ask me. Like 4 foot 8 inches.
But the Mallards are going to offer Gary Coleman a contract to appear in tonight’s game.
“As the Mallards prepare for the playoffs we feel that we need a special player to help put us over the top,” said GM Vern Stenman. “Gary brings a lot of intangibles to the field and I feel like his presence would help invigorate our club as they get ready for a run at a championship. You can’t coach a strike zone like Gary has and I anticipate him being a force at the top of our lineup.”
“I feel like he could develop a couple different strokes to rule the Northwoods League,” said Manager CJ Thieleke.
Wat’choo talkin’bout, Willis? Is this the little leagues or the minor leagues?
Will he be playing SHORTstop?
If he plays, he’ll lead off as the Designated Hitter.
Now, Coleman’s had some issues with his finances over the years, so I don’t tthink he’ll accept the contract when he finds out that the Mallards can’t pay him anything to play. Amateur baseball league, don’t you know.
The Mallards could always just hire him as a Security Guard.
Somewhere, Eddie Gaedel is laughing. So is Bill Veeck.
UPDATE (5:21PM CDT): Coleman will bat leadoff. He’ll do it.
UPDATE (8/2/08): Coleman was ejected from the game for having a corked bat. VIDEO right here.
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