Steve Trachsel is the cause of Global Warming
Posted by: Richie Rich in Japan, Orioles, Pitching
So I read the other day that the Japanese professional baseball leagues are going to try to shorten their games this season. They’ll do it by making teams switch from fielding to hitting in no more than 2 minutes and 15 seconds as well as limit the time between pitches to 15 seconds when no one is on base.
Why?
To help fight Global Warming.
As part of the fight against global warming, Japanese professional baseball has come up with a plan to shorten its games and reduce carbon dioxide emissions at stadiums. Teams will aim to cut playing time by six percent, or 12 minutes …
Why six percent? Well, that’s what Japan pledged to cut their greenhouse gas emissions between 2008 and 2010 under the Kyoto Protocol. And it sounds as if Japan needs all the help it can get in meeting that goal … which is why Japanese baseball is making this gesture. According to the article, baseball games result in the emission of …
… a huge amount of carbon dioxides to be discharged through the use of energy to move players and spectators, supply electricity for lighting and other purposes.
They forgot to mention all the gas emissions caused by the mass consumption of nachos, sausages, peanuts, and beer consumed at baseball games.
Do they eat that kind of food at baseball games in Japan?
Mind you … if shortening the length of baseball games is a quick fix to help in the fight against global warming, I have a simple solution …
Stop Steve Trachsel from pitching anymore.
Baltimore Orioles pitcher Steve Trachsel is often referred to as “The Human Rain Delay” because he takes so much time between pitches. Don’t believe me? I present evidence …
Slowest Worker Ever
Slow Hand Trachsel
Human Rain Delay
Trachsel has been known to visualize every pitch before he throws it. This can really slow a ballgame down. In the 1998 Wild Card tiebreaker game between the Cubs and Giants, Trachsel pitched 6 1/3 of the most deliberate innings ever. He pitched great (1 hit with 6 K and 6 BB) and the Cubs made the playoffs … but wow, did that game take forever. Three hours and 40 minutes for a 8.5 inning game.
And now, Trachsel has a starting gig and has assumed a mentor’s role in Baltimore, where he’s teaching the art of pitching to the young hurlers on the Orioles. Hey Trachsel – this season’s already going to be a long one for O’s fans … don’t make it any longer. Steve Trachsel’s slow speed makes for good concession sales, but he’s apparently bad for the environment (if the Japanese are to be believed.)
I guess we’ll never see Trachsel pitch in Japan. Or be seen in the same room as Al Gore.
Think you’re good at picking Home Run hitters?
Play homerderby.com’s Home Run Derby Contest and find out … and compete for $2,500 in prizes while you’re at it.
See the Official Rules for details.
Entries (RSS)
March 20th, 2008 at 9:03 am
[...] Al Gore can rest easy. Homer Derby tells us that Steve Trachsel is the cause of global [...]
March 20th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
[...] Steve Trachsel may be the cause of global warming. Or the only Orioles pitcher that has ever been overrated. Or the root of all [...]
March 20th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
[...] Mets play the Baltimore Orioles tonight, and in a effort to prevent global warming, Trax will not pitch. Johan Santana will however, taking the mound for the Mets. He’s struck [...]
March 20th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
I got an idea. Have the runners ride bicycles around the bases for home runs.
March 20th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Bring back Randy Jones! The former Padres ace was famous for wasting no time between pitches, once finished a game in 90 minutes. Of course he’s now losing his pollution credits at his Petco Park barbecue stand, which gives off hell’s own amount of smoke and also generates methane gas throughout the ballpark once his customers get to their seats.
March 24th, 2008 at 6:47 am
The latest news about climate change is so alarming (the right wing would say alarmist) as to make many people want to plant their aching heads in the sand. Some scientists using advanced computer models now argue that if we want to stop the Earth from warming, the amount of carbon we should be emitting is … none. None? As in, zero? As in, shutting down the global industrial economy? After all, global energy demand is expected to accelerate until at least 2020. Yet attempts even to slow the rate of increase of carbon emissions have paralyzed world politics for more than a decade.
March 24th, 2008 at 7:07 am
[...] off to Home Run Derby, who in response have identified Steve “The Human Rain Delay” Trachsel as public enemy [...]
March 21st, 2009 at 10:20 am
Even in mid-summer, Japan gets dark around 7 in the evening. One version of why is that Japanese men don’t want to drink until after it gets dark. Early sunset means early sunrise, so the sky starts getting light around 3 in mid-summer. Two suggestions would greatly reduce electrical consumption for stadium lighting. Start the games around 3 a.m., or reset the clocks a couple of hours to make sundown later. (Japan refuses to go on daylight saving time.)