I thought that I could handle any name on the Mitchell Report. I was wrong. Wrong.
There are reports out there which say Home Run Derby’s patron saint of overweight pitchers is on the Mitchell Report.
Rich Garces. El Guapo.
It can’t be true. Say it ain’t so, Guapo.
What the heck did he take? Weight Gain 4000? Let’s go to a live video feed with El Guapo ….
Follow Your Dreams
You can Reach your Goals
I’m Living Proof
Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!!
Or did El Guapo eat someone who was on Steroids?
UPDATE: WOO HOO!! El Guapo is NOT in the Mitchell Report. I knew it.
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December 13th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
Nice reporting, Dan Rather.
I just awoke from my post-exam nap expecting to see a list of names of guys that I was absolutely sure would be on the list (Bonds? Who saw that coming?) guys nobody would care about (Adam Piatt, former A’s outfielder who is more famous for hitting tires for K-Swiss rather than baseballs for Oakland) and the rare combination of the two (Paxton Crawford, thank you ESPN the Magazine).
As you mentioned above, though, the one name that was shocking and saddening to hear was Rich Garces. He is living proof that even kids built like the Ham from the Sandlot have a shot of living out their MLB dreams. He embodies the quote from the great Squeak “Little Bitch” Scolari from the movie Baseketball when he expresses his love for “a game where guys with bad backs and bad knees can get together and compete on the same field as guys that are all goosed up on steroids.”
He stands for the working man in America whose hunger for six-pack abs pales in comparison to his hunger for chili cheese dogs.
It is for these reasons that we at The Derby hail The Guap, and I believe I speak for all of us when I say that we are proud of you, Rich, for today you stand head and shoulders above all those mentioned in the report.
Salud!